


Terror From an Adjacent Dimension

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: (sort of), Comedy, Demon Shane Madej, Gen, Horror, Minor Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 00:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15874689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: Ryan is told about a box that opens a portal to other dimensions.  Things go terribly wrong but Shane is there with him.





	Terror From an Adjacent Dimension

"I really don't think this is a good subject to research," said Shane as he looked over Ryan's shoulder and saw his notes regarding a puzzle box created by Philip Lemarchand called The Lament Configuration.

Ryan frowned . "It's not like you to express worry."

"It's not worry but I don't understand your interest in what appears to be centuries old version of a Rubik's Cube."

"It's not a toy or not just a toy," said Ryan. "It is said that if you solve it, it can open up a passageway to another dimension. I even got a letter from someone who claims he has one."

Shane frowned. "Who?"

"He says his name is Frank Cotton."

***

Ryan wasn't too happy upon meeting the man at his house. He was handsome but in a very sleazy way. Also, his fingernails were filthy which was extremely off-putting to him. However, Frank did show him the box and Shane was there with him. Ryan said, "We can't really pay you any money for this though you will be all over the internet if this works. Also, our ride will be calling us to check in on us every half hour." He had worked on too many true crime stories not to have worked out some countermeasures.

The man smirked. "Really, you don't have to worry."

"Why are you showing us the box anyway?" said Shane.

"I have the box but I'm not terribly good at puzzles. I heard your friend love solving mysteries and is especially interested in things beyond our sphere of existence."

"How much are you charging?"

"It's free."

"What do you get out of it?"

"I want to be there when it opens."

"Just that?"

"Yes."

"All righty then," said Shane.

***

"Oh, look Shane, it's moving!" said Ryan as part of the box lifted up. He thought he heard a chime. Ryan turned the little wheel on the box and a strange light filled the room.

"Ryan, you need to stop," said Shane.

"Oh, my God, it's starting to move by itself . . . And what's that music?"

Frank Cotton screamed as hooks connected to chains pierced him. 

A quartet of strange beings entered the room. They were all dressed in black leather and in various states of disfigurement. The leader of them appeared to be the one with multiple pins stuck into the skin of his bald head. 

"What are YOU doing here?" said the fearsome being with pins on his head, pointing right at Shane.

"Hey there, demons, it's me ya boi," said Shane in response.

"Shane? You know these . . ." said Ryan. 

The leader stepped towards Shane. "He is not one of us. He is . . . from an adjacent dimension, a far more horrible place."

"Oh, you and your obsession with your S&M," said Shane, rolling his eyes. "And leather, really?"

A chain with a hook went towards Ryan, only for it to be blocked by a pink circle of light. 

"Nope, not going to happen," said Shane. "Remember what happened the last time you tried to take something of mine?"

"He has solved the puzzle. He has summoned us and we have come," said the leader.

"Now, now, he was tricked into solving the puzzle by the man who truly desired its solution. And I know that, if we follow the rules, only the person who longs for it with his soul gets nabbed. You already got Frank so you know where to go."

"Shane . . . I think you're making things worse," said Ryan as the quartet looked displeased at his proclamation.

"I have the right of first claim over his soul. Do not trifle with me," said Shane in a low voice. "I can pull every single pin from your head. I can make color come back to your pale, cold flesh." He turned to what appeared to be the female member of the quartet. "I can call for soft, long fluffy hair wrapped in ribbons and turn your clothes into layers of frilly silks. I can alter you from terrifying to cute. Everything will be unicorns and teddy bears. I am not to be fucked with."

"You threaten us?" she said.

Ryan was appalled by all this but what disturbed him most as that they seemed to genuinely fear Shane or at least be terribly repulsed.

Shane pulled out his trump card. "I can and will trap you in the Hotdaga universe if you persist. Do not mess with me!"

From their expressions, Ryan realized he had finally found people who loathed the Hotdaga as much as he did.

"What about that one?" said one of them in regards to Frank Cotton.

"Take him. He's the one who set us up to get killed. I've no skin in the game."

Frank Cotton screamed as the chains with hooks pulled him into an unfathomable darkness. 

Ryan put his face into Shane's back because he didn't want to see any more of this. It was all too much. He also felt terrible because he left his holy water squirt gun back in the trunk of the car.

"I think it's time for you to leave," said Shane.

"Let us not meet again," said the leader.

Shane shrugged. "I never try to, it just seems to happen. Say hi to Leviathan for me."

As the room returned to normal, Ryan pushed himself away from Shane and said, "So the Hotdaga dimension is next to an S&M dungeon hell. That makes total sense."

"Really, stop pretending you hate the Hotdaga. And it's not the entire dimension, just a small part. Say . . . you look traumatized."

"Of course, I'm traumatized. Demons came here to steal my soul because some asshole tried to use me to open some portal to Hell and they're afraid of YOU. What's going on?"

"Oh, Ryan."

"Why are they afraid of you? Are you like Cthulhu? Are you like some ancient dread god?"

"Tentacles are icky. Jeez, looks like time for another memory wipe."

"Another?"

***  
"So, how did things go?" said Mark the cameraman as he sat in front of the motel TV while knitting a scarf. He had been told to wait there unless things with Frank Cotton panned out. Cashmere yarn is the best, he thought.

"He wasn't there," said Ryan, pouting.

"Seriously," he said. "Does this mean you have to scrap the segment?"

"I might have to make it a more general segment about crossing dimensions and drop the part about the box altogether."

"We could always to do another cooking segment. How about spaghetti?" said Shane.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I've only seen the first Hellraiser movie but have read synopses of the other movies. As for the rule that only the person who truly desires is the one pulled into Hell even if the actual puzzle solver is someone else, that's from the second movie though one could quibble that Ryan desired it enough to open it. 
> 
> I mostly wanted to write this because of people continually saying that Shane seems to fear nothing. I mostly wanted to give him something scary to be really blase to. 
> 
> Mark is revealed in their almost 70th episode special as the cameraman.


End file.
